Well its been a while....Sometimes who you are changes, as circumstances and situations around you change.The person you were in city X, with X friends disappears in city Y, and the things you used to say and do just go away..Or so you think.When the world around you suddenly becomes different and you meet new people and you start thinking a different way, it feels like you've changed and it feels like people you knew before have changed too, but thats not really the way it is.
Because when all is said and done and you're left alone with your thoughts, you realise that nothing has really changed all that much; you're still the same person you were before, still scared of the same things, still wanting the same things, and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that its all different, underneath it all you're still looking for something and you're still running as fast as you can from the desperate fear inside that tells you that no matter where you go or who you know or what you are in life, you can never escape from yourself.Its strange that no matter how many friends you have and how many people you have that care about you, you'll always truthfully be alone, and all you have is yourself and your mind.
Its the scariest thing in the world to face ( apart from say a gigantically enormous tidal wave-tsunami thing, hurling itself towards you and breathtakingly inevitable speed) I think, the realisation that you're all you've got.
Sometimes I feel so tired,I think that I have everything I could possibly want, and nothing could be better, but I know that there's this nagging little voice that tells me that I still havent found what I'm looking for..Infact, come to think of it, I dont even know what it is that I'm looking for , I dont even know if what I'm looking for is even out there.Hell.I think I need to be super rich or something so that when feel like it,I can just up and go to some other country to sit and think things out.I actually think I need to move out of this country fast,this city, this country everything is just getting too small for me, I just don't want to live here anymore, and I don't care if that means that I have to leave some things behind and start all over, all I know is that it doesnt feel like there's anything for me here, nothing I want will I find if I continue to live this life.
The more I think about it, the more I realise that I'm right...Here I am , at a point in my life where I have everything I could have ever hoped for , say a year ago.This time last year, the life I now lead and the things I have would have seemed like this inconceivable utopia...And here I go again, still wanting to move on and still wishing to be somewhere else.Thats life eh?
New York is my only hope..I need my Sunday Morning life, even then I doubt I'd be entirely satisfied, but I think that I might just have a shot at something close to happiness then..Or not, whatever, fuck it, it'd still be different, and it'd still be like the realisation of a dream, and the plan going according to plan. :-) I don't know though..Its all very confusing and black at the moment...I'm not quite sure what exactly it is that I want, and who exactly I am...This city's going crazy and I must get out.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
BLURRY
Reaching milestones in your life, really makes you think about where you are, what you're doing, how you got there, and stuff. It's a nice, pleasant feeling when you can look at it all go, 'Hey I turned out OK'.
It also makes you realise HOW MUCH time has actually gone by. I mean when you're young, life just sort of stretches before you like one big, unending expanse, thats never supposed to end. You feel like you'll be young forever, and that time will just pass you by.
When I was in junior school, it felt like school life would just stretch on endlessly, and that I would NEVER grow up.Then when I got to high school, it began to occur to me, that maybe just maybe, I'd be done with it all, and actually move on to college. High school was a time of constant change for me, each of those four years taught me something else, and I seriously truly began to become me. By 12th grade, I was all set to move on, I mean I could almost taste the freedom and the happiness( yes I hated my school, not my friends, just my school), but even then I just assumed that the school part of my life would go fast,a nd then once I got into college , things would just sssssllllloooooowwwww down, and I'd be in college for ages. I'd never actually move past it, I'd never actually get a job. Still seems ridiculous to me.
But now I'm in, and I know it hasnt been long, but it feels like its going super fast.I can already see the end of the semester.God. Its scary.
To think that your whole life is just gonna move by this fast. I feel like before I know it, I'll be getting old and looking back instead of looking forward, and then I'll see all the time I had, and how I let it just slip through my fingers without doing half the things I wanted to do, or seeing half the things I was supposed to see. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
Ok, breathe, breathe, exhale.
Heh heh.
I'm calm now. But seriously, it really really makes you think.
I hope I know what I'm doing, and I hope that I'm making the best out of my circumstances.
Suddenly I'm filled withy the urge to go to the library and read twenty pages of Jurisprudence. How long will the feeling last, I wonder........
It also makes you realise HOW MUCH time has actually gone by. I mean when you're young, life just sort of stretches before you like one big, unending expanse, thats never supposed to end. You feel like you'll be young forever, and that time will just pass you by.
When I was in junior school, it felt like school life would just stretch on endlessly, and that I would NEVER grow up.Then when I got to high school, it began to occur to me, that maybe just maybe, I'd be done with it all, and actually move on to college. High school was a time of constant change for me, each of those four years taught me something else, and I seriously truly began to become me. By 12th grade, I was all set to move on, I mean I could almost taste the freedom and the happiness( yes I hated my school, not my friends, just my school), but even then I just assumed that the school part of my life would go fast,a nd then once I got into college , things would just sssssllllloooooowwwww down, and I'd be in college for ages. I'd never actually move past it, I'd never actually get a job. Still seems ridiculous to me.
But now I'm in, and I know it hasnt been long, but it feels like its going super fast.I can already see the end of the semester.God. Its scary.
To think that your whole life is just gonna move by this fast. I feel like before I know it, I'll be getting old and looking back instead of looking forward, and then I'll see all the time I had, and how I let it just slip through my fingers without doing half the things I wanted to do, or seeing half the things I was supposed to see. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
Ok, breathe, breathe, exhale.
Heh heh.
I'm calm now. But seriously, it really really makes you think.
I hope I know what I'm doing, and I hope that I'm making the best out of my circumstances.
Suddenly I'm filled withy the urge to go to the library and read twenty pages of Jurisprudence. How long will the feeling last, I wonder........
Friday, August 13, 2004
EVEN THE AIR ITCHES
Man, there are just those times when you get sick to death of where you're at, when everything about a place can just get to you and suffocate you and make you want to just scream and run like hell to the airport , and heave butt to New York, sigh then just live it up, enjoy the weather, go to the Met, go shopping, go to Barnes & Noble and just browse the day away. Ah.....what I wouldn't give.
I need to have my ideal day.So what is my ideal day? Rainy , stormy morning, waking up in one of those funky beds from iKea, in nice, clean, pure white sheets, looking out of the window, watching the rain streaming down the window pane, my apartment kinda messy, with papers and books lying around, lots of those vases with those HUGE white flowers ( like they have in Will & Grace), the smell of bacon, and waffles and maple syrup and coffee wafting in from the kitchen, all in my little apartment in New York City. Oh and with Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 playing softly somewhere in the background.
Just thinking about it makes me feel better already. Then I'd probably get up, shower and take a walk around , go buy a skirt, a CD or two, park my ass in the bookstore for a couple of hours then read in the park for a while or if its raining, a coffee house overlooking the park somewhere, then hunt down a couple of my friends , make myself pretty and go out to some nice little restauruant that plays Jazz and serves Italian food.We'd talk about the latest movies , celebrities, clothes music, about college, about our work, we'd laugh at everything, and I wouldn't even be able to believe how happy I felt, and for once, I wouldn't look over my shoulder, I wouldn't wonder what anyone one was thinking anymore, and I wouldn't have to care, and I'd be happy.
I swear to God, I'll never stop thanking my lucky stars that I got into law school, it's possibly one of the best things thats ever happened to me, but in some ways its also been one of the hardest adjustments I've had to make, and I LOVE this place, I love practically everything about it, but sometimes its just too small a world for me, and there's just too much pressure and too little anonymity, and I'm tired, and fed up, so fed up that even the air itches me .
It feels like I've forgotten who I am sometimes, like I came as someone, and now I don't know where she went. Lots more to say but this place is crowding up too fast. Will be back later.
I need to have my ideal day.So what is my ideal day? Rainy , stormy morning, waking up in one of those funky beds from iKea, in nice, clean, pure white sheets, looking out of the window, watching the rain streaming down the window pane, my apartment kinda messy, with papers and books lying around, lots of those vases with those HUGE white flowers ( like they have in Will & Grace), the smell of bacon, and waffles and maple syrup and coffee wafting in from the kitchen, all in my little apartment in New York City. Oh and with Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 playing softly somewhere in the background.
Just thinking about it makes me feel better already. Then I'd probably get up, shower and take a walk around , go buy a skirt, a CD or two, park my ass in the bookstore for a couple of hours then read in the park for a while or if its raining, a coffee house overlooking the park somewhere, then hunt down a couple of my friends , make myself pretty and go out to some nice little restauruant that plays Jazz and serves Italian food.We'd talk about the latest movies , celebrities, clothes music, about college, about our work, we'd laugh at everything, and I wouldn't even be able to believe how happy I felt, and for once, I wouldn't look over my shoulder, I wouldn't wonder what anyone one was thinking anymore, and I wouldn't have to care, and I'd be happy.
I swear to God, I'll never stop thanking my lucky stars that I got into law school, it's possibly one of the best things thats ever happened to me, but in some ways its also been one of the hardest adjustments I've had to make, and I LOVE this place, I love practically everything about it, but sometimes its just too small a world for me, and there's just too much pressure and too little anonymity, and I'm tired, and fed up, so fed up that even the air itches me .
It feels like I've forgotten who I am sometimes, like I came as someone, and now I don't know where she went. Lots more to say but this place is crowding up too fast. Will be back later.
Monday, July 12, 2004
OBLADI-OBLADA-LALALA-LIFE GOES ON
And so it does. Thats the thing about life, whatever happens , no matter how shitty/great it gets, it never stops. Right now, in the past few months life has been very very turbulent for me, just general upheavals of all sorts. Things moving around, new people,new places, its all so exciting and all so tiring at the same time. There comes a point when you just want to scream "STOP!!!!", and then everything around you just freezes, like in the movies, then you want to fast forward till you get to a nice part where you find yourself in your second year of law school, on vacation, sitting on a hammock in Fiji drinking beer...erm ..... lemonade, and reading a book, whilst the tropical breeze rustles the coconut palms, and cute australian tourists run around in their board shorts and flip flops.
Ah......sigh,to die,nay to sleep, for in that sleep what dreams may come..something, something.God I'm paraphrasing Shakespeare.
But basically so far, law school = good, life = looking up, me= a little tired, a little wary. I miss my friends a lot, don't really miss home, nothing to miss I guess. It's a wierd feeling, I'm like a drifter, no where really to go back too, only looking forward.
Man I'm just going nowhere with this post, random ramblings. Shooby,dooby,dooby, dooop.I feel old all of a sudden, like I've been trying to live for way too long, and the struggle is all but squishing me into a lump of Bimla's Chutney.( Good for health yah!). I got a package today, from home a book and a CD that I'd conveniently left behind, and my name was printed on it, and below the law school, and I was just like Wow...Thats my address, this means I actually went somewhere,I actually did something with my life( alert: premature elation. wouldnt put it past myself to screw things up)Heh heh, who woulda thunk it?
This morning was so bloody beautiful, my alarm clock rang at like 6 and as I got up and looked out the window , I saw that it was POURING. It was so pretty, the rain was so heavy that you couldn't see too far, and everything was kind of suffused in this gray mist, the fields, the trees, wished I'd had my camera. But then I remembered that it was monday, and I though oh crap, they can't ACTUALLY expect us to get up and go to class, can they? But they did, and I did, and there once again life trundled on, I sludge trudged my way back and forth, and now I can't wait to go back to my room, and stare out of the window happily, till I remember that I have laundry to do....Oh crap I have laundry to do.
Oh today, I suddenly discovered that if I want hot water, I have to turn on a switch!!! OHMYGOD. All this time I've been freezing away and trying to convinve myself that cold showers build character ( Calvin and Hobbes), and there's a freakin switch!!!!!Now I know! The other day I also found that there's a water cooler right on my floor, so I don't have to got all the way down when I want cold water to drink.Damn, I really don't know what world I've been living in lately. I'm going to go back home and Clousseau my way around the whole place just to see if I've missed out any other important details.
Ok I'm off now, must wash clothes. Obladi,oblada, lalalala life goes on.( Ok I know thats not how The Beatles sang it, but I can't remember the words now)
Ah......sigh,to die,nay to sleep, for in that sleep what dreams may come..something, something.God I'm paraphrasing Shakespeare.
But basically so far, law school = good, life = looking up, me= a little tired, a little wary. I miss my friends a lot, don't really miss home, nothing to miss I guess. It's a wierd feeling, I'm like a drifter, no where really to go back too, only looking forward.
Man I'm just going nowhere with this post, random ramblings. Shooby,dooby,dooby, dooop.I feel old all of a sudden, like I've been trying to live for way too long, and the struggle is all but squishing me into a lump of Bimla's Chutney.( Good for health yah!). I got a package today, from home a book and a CD that I'd conveniently left behind, and my name was printed on it, and below the law school, and I was just like Wow...Thats my address, this means I actually went somewhere,I actually did something with my life( alert: premature elation. wouldnt put it past myself to screw things up)Heh heh, who woulda thunk it?
This morning was so bloody beautiful, my alarm clock rang at like 6 and as I got up and looked out the window , I saw that it was POURING. It was so pretty, the rain was so heavy that you couldn't see too far, and everything was kind of suffused in this gray mist, the fields, the trees, wished I'd had my camera. But then I remembered that it was monday, and I though oh crap, they can't ACTUALLY expect us to get up and go to class, can they? But they did, and I did, and there once again life trundled on, I sludge trudged my way back and forth, and now I can't wait to go back to my room, and stare out of the window happily, till I remember that I have laundry to do....Oh crap I have laundry to do.
Oh today, I suddenly discovered that if I want hot water, I have to turn on a switch!!! OHMYGOD. All this time I've been freezing away and trying to convinve myself that cold showers build character ( Calvin and Hobbes), and there's a freakin switch!!!!!Now I know! The other day I also found that there's a water cooler right on my floor, so I don't have to got all the way down when I want cold water to drink.Damn, I really don't know what world I've been living in lately. I'm going to go back home and Clousseau my way around the whole place just to see if I've missed out any other important details.
Ok I'm off now, must wash clothes. Obladi,oblada, lalalala life goes on.( Ok I know thats not how The Beatles sang it, but I can't remember the words now)
Monday, June 28, 2004
CASTAWAY
Lately I've been feeling very, very lonely, like I'm actually the only person in my life. It's not like I don't talk to my friends or anything, it's just that I don't connect with what anybody's saying anymore.It's even worse with strangers, I barely feel like making an effort to get to know them. I'm sick of saying 'oh hey I'm so and so from so and so...blah blah blah' NEEEEXXT.
I'm just Tom Hanks in Castaway, just wait, I'll be talking to a football before you know it. And then to make matters worse, I've been listening to Lifehouse (aka Emotional Suicide On A CD), so you can see why the skies have been looking stormy in the East lately.You know what I feel like, I feel like Calvin ( from the cartoon strip) sitting all alone on this gorgoeous alien planet, on the edge of a cliff throwing rocks at the twin moons.
All by MAAAAAAAAAHHHHH SSSSSEEELLLLLLFFFFFF!!!!!
I'm gonna be, all by MAAAAAAAAAHHHH SEEELLLLLFFFFFF.
Oh God, now I'm morphing into Bridget Jones.
PS-In more exciting news, I watched Troy last week, (good god Brad Pitt), and classes are starting on Thursday.
I'm just Tom Hanks in Castaway, just wait, I'll be talking to a football before you know it. And then to make matters worse, I've been listening to Lifehouse (aka Emotional Suicide On A CD), so you can see why the skies have been looking stormy in the East lately.You know what I feel like, I feel like Calvin ( from the cartoon strip) sitting all alone on this gorgoeous alien planet, on the edge of a cliff throwing rocks at the twin moons.
All by MAAAAAAAAAHHHHH SSSSSEEELLLLLLFFFFFF!!!!!
I'm gonna be, all by MAAAAAAAAAHHHH SEEELLLLLFFFFFF.
Oh God, now I'm morphing into Bridget Jones.
PS-In more exciting news, I watched Troy last week, (good god Brad Pitt), and classes are starting on Thursday.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
If there's ONE thing i really hate ( apart from Banana's) its the games people play. Infuriating. Like buddy, get over yourself already, I'm NOT interesting in having a who's-more-disinterested contest here. Hell I was actually even trying to be a doormat for a while. Stupid, stupid me.
You know thats what I've learnt about friends, if you ever wonder why someone who supposedly cared about you is behaving like a total jerk, ask them why and if there's no good reason, just screw it man. Hello, I have better things to do with my time, and if I have to be wondering whats going on every five minutes, then its not worth it, and if someone doesn't want to keep in touch, then there was no real friendship there anyway.
Whatever.
See, see THIS is what happens when your best friend moves to another freaking country!(FOR DOOKU:but it's not her I'm mad at,its just that i have no one to talk to, thats all)You start putting crap up on the freaking internet!why ?why?WHY?
I think I'll go before I say something even more ridiculous.
You know thats what I've learnt about friends, if you ever wonder why someone who supposedly cared about you is behaving like a total jerk, ask them why and if there's no good reason, just screw it man. Hello, I have better things to do with my time, and if I have to be wondering whats going on every five minutes, then its not worth it, and if someone doesn't want to keep in touch, then there was no real friendship there anyway.
Whatever.
See, see THIS is what happens when your best friend moves to another freaking country!(FOR DOOKU:but it's not her I'm mad at,its just that i have no one to talk to, thats all)You start putting crap up on the freaking internet!why ?why?WHY?
I think I'll go before I say something even more ridiculous.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
HAVING A BATH
So you wake up one partly cloudy tuesday morning ( after having watched a kick ass football match the previous night, in which England kicked Croatia's butt 4-2!actually they were both fighting hard, gotta give Croatia their props) and think you'll get out of bed and have a nice refreshing shower, then saunter downstairs and impress everyone (meaning the dog) by looking refreshed and confident.HAH! Think again.
Life, has other plans.Life,has decided, in it's typically inconsiderate and authoritarian manner, that it shall do exactly what it wishes with your seemingly unremarkable partly cloudy tuesday, and do so without giving you any prior notice.
'Semi Charmed Kind Of Life' by 3rd eye Blind starts to play on the Worldspace, and you think ah...yes, now is a good time to get up, haul yourself out of bed, turn on the geyser and brush your teeth, wash up blah blah, make the bed. the water must be warm by now, you say to yourself, turn on the shower step in and its freezing.
What the hell?Maybe it's broken.Ok never mind you step out of the shower wrap yourself in a towel and potter around aimlessly.
The water HAS to be hot now. Try again.Still subzero.
You check the geyser switch and bloody hell -it isnt even on.(No doubt the work of the friendly poltergeist that lives under my toilet cause i SWEAR to heaven , i turned the thing on)Potter aimlessly once again and finally manage to have a decent hot shower, though by this time exhaustion has set in, and all hope of actually impressing a certain fox terrier with clean and rejuvinated appearance has faded.
It was just one of those mornings, and it took me half an hour to decide what to wear, cause the mood of the day hadn't struck me, so i threw clothes all over the place, and now I have a killer mess to clean up, when I get back home.sigh. I consoled myself by having a hearty breakfast of Orange Juice and an Oreo cookie.(note: go to grocery store and buy Frosties)
Then I went to the doctor and got a medical check up done.They won't let me into law school without it, apparently if I fall terminally ill, the tiny little campus clinic will leaf through my medical history so that they can use the vast supply of band aids that they have to save my life.(heh heh, sense of humour is till intact. its a good sign)
Now I'm just waiting for the bloody day to end so as I can run off to the Adidas and Weekenders 50% off sale.Yay! I think a little time with my girlfriends in Barista wouldn't hurt either.
God, when you're leaving things just start to speed up.So much to do, to pack, to buy, so many good byes to say.Everything seems like such a big blur. I still haven't figured out how I'm going to lug my guitar around.I think I have to get a hard case.See there's another thing I have to do.
I'm going nuts I tell you! Since I'm not doing anything productive anyway, I think I'll go make a list of all the things I have to do tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a day of things accomplished with clinical precision.Clinical!You here me shower?!?Clinical!
Hey has anyone heard that new Dave Matthews song 'Oh'?I love it.It makes me want to cry whenever I hear it. that Dave Matthews has one hell of a nice voice.
Life, has other plans.Life,has decided, in it's typically inconsiderate and authoritarian manner, that it shall do exactly what it wishes with your seemingly unremarkable partly cloudy tuesday, and do so without giving you any prior notice.
'Semi Charmed Kind Of Life' by 3rd eye Blind starts to play on the Worldspace, and you think ah...yes, now is a good time to get up, haul yourself out of bed, turn on the geyser and brush your teeth, wash up blah blah, make the bed. the water must be warm by now, you say to yourself, turn on the shower step in and its freezing.
What the hell?Maybe it's broken.Ok never mind you step out of the shower wrap yourself in a towel and potter around aimlessly.
The water HAS to be hot now. Try again.Still subzero.
You check the geyser switch and bloody hell -it isnt even on.(No doubt the work of the friendly poltergeist that lives under my toilet cause i SWEAR to heaven , i turned the thing on)Potter aimlessly once again and finally manage to have a decent hot shower, though by this time exhaustion has set in, and all hope of actually impressing a certain fox terrier with clean and rejuvinated appearance has faded.
It was just one of those mornings, and it took me half an hour to decide what to wear, cause the mood of the day hadn't struck me, so i threw clothes all over the place, and now I have a killer mess to clean up, when I get back home.sigh. I consoled myself by having a hearty breakfast of Orange Juice and an Oreo cookie.(note: go to grocery store and buy Frosties)
Then I went to the doctor and got a medical check up done.They won't let me into law school without it, apparently if I fall terminally ill, the tiny little campus clinic will leaf through my medical history so that they can use the vast supply of band aids that they have to save my life.(heh heh, sense of humour is till intact. its a good sign)
Now I'm just waiting for the bloody day to end so as I can run off to the Adidas and Weekenders 50% off sale.Yay! I think a little time with my girlfriends in Barista wouldn't hurt either.
God, when you're leaving things just start to speed up.So much to do, to pack, to buy, so many good byes to say.Everything seems like such a big blur. I still haven't figured out how I'm going to lug my guitar around.I think I have to get a hard case.See there's another thing I have to do.
I'm going nuts I tell you! Since I'm not doing anything productive anyway, I think I'll go make a list of all the things I have to do tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a day of things accomplished with clinical precision.Clinical!You here me shower?!?Clinical!
Hey has anyone heard that new Dave Matthews song 'Oh'?I love it.It makes me want to cry whenever I hear it. that Dave Matthews has one hell of a nice voice.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
GO TO FIJI
If you know whats good for you, you'll pick your ass up and get on the next plane to Fiji.I had so much fun, so much fun. Ok it's not like I've never had fun before, but with all the work and pressure that life has been dumping on me, this vacation was exactly what I needed. I feel happy and refreshed, I discovered the joys of Board Shorts and Kahluas and Kayaking, and I've come back tanned and relaxed, ready to plunge headfirst into my life again and just dying to vanquish the demons that dare to cross my path.
Ok, maybe I shouldn't be tempting fate quite so much. Lets say I'm ready to calmly discuss my views with the demons and see if an amicable solution can't be reached.
Plus I revised my PLAN. You know THE plan, for life in general, and I've adjusted somethings to incorporate more frivolous activity and misbehaviour. Sigh.............nice big happy sigh. Not that everything is all sunshine and rainbows, there are still things to deal with, but I think I can deal with them now, won't be too much fun, but atleast I feel better about it all now. I can handle it, I'll come out alive.
At first I was afraid I was petrified.......etc etc
This is me singing on the internet.
It'll all be fine in the end.
Can everyone say BULA!!
Ok, maybe I shouldn't be tempting fate quite so much. Lets say I'm ready to calmly discuss my views with the demons and see if an amicable solution can't be reached.
Plus I revised my PLAN. You know THE plan, for life in general, and I've adjusted somethings to incorporate more frivolous activity and misbehaviour. Sigh.............nice big happy sigh. Not that everything is all sunshine and rainbows, there are still things to deal with, but I think I can deal with them now, won't be too much fun, but atleast I feel better about it all now. I can handle it, I'll come out alive.
At first I was afraid I was petrified.......etc etc
This is me singing on the internet.
It'll all be fine in the end.
Can everyone say BULA!!
Thursday, May 20, 2004
ANGER MANAGEMENT
God, you know some days, you've just about taken all you can possibly take and you need to just let it all out! Today was one of those days. It's like all the pressure of the past few weeks, everything was just sitting there and waiting to explode.
At times like this it's nice to have a venting buddy, and conveniently I had one(both of our respective first preference venting buddies weren't around) so i spent like 2 hours driving around the city, just complaining arbitrarily about everything.
You know it kind of feels better, but not quite.
It only feels good while you're yelling, but afterwards you still have to get down to dealing with the things that are bugging you.
I hate having to be mature and responsible sometimes, its like I wish I could just be childish and cranky and my parents would handle everything.Sigh, such is life.
Anyway life goes on, and whatever happens I can deal with it. The most comforting thing my dad ever said to me was that there's no problem on earth that doesn't have a solution. He's right, but sometimes it takes so much effort to work the solution.
At times like this it's nice to have a venting buddy, and conveniently I had one(both of our respective first preference venting buddies weren't around) so i spent like 2 hours driving around the city, just complaining arbitrarily about everything.
You know it kind of feels better, but not quite.
It only feels good while you're yelling, but afterwards you still have to get down to dealing with the things that are bugging you.
I hate having to be mature and responsible sometimes, its like I wish I could just be childish and cranky and my parents would handle everything.Sigh, such is life.
Anyway life goes on, and whatever happens I can deal with it. The most comforting thing my dad ever said to me was that there's no problem on earth that doesn't have a solution. He's right, but sometimes it takes so much effort to work the solution.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
UNEXPECTED TRIUMPH
The elections were on right? Everyone knows, and I expected those fascist minority bashing a**holes to win. Boy were we WRONG. We've just had one of the most unexpected, unpredicted, potentially great results in the history of my great country. The Congress is winning, so far it has about 217 seats, the BJP only has about 190 seats, and the Congress is expected to form an alliance with either the SP or BSP, and will be coming to power!
Hahahahahahahaha!! Death to all this Hindutva nonsense, I hope this reflects the people's rejection of the RSS/VHP agenda, but you can't be sure exactly why people voted the way they did. Hell I don't even undestand it.The exit polls, about which there's been sooooo much controversy, were absolutely wrong, and infact teh actual events couldn't have been more far removed from whats actually happening.Needless to say I'm happy, very happy.
Still I guess we all have to wait and see what happens. No premature celebrations (all though I AM guilty of sending several triumphant cell phone mesages to oh, say everyone I know)
But who knows, I really hope that Sonia Gandhi does a good job, and leads the country in an able and mature manner, I hope she holds her own in the hugely challenging internatinal scenario as Prime Minister of the world's second largest population, because all said and done, the one thing the BJP did, and I respect them for it, was to provide a stable , forward moving government, that certainly did some good things, while it was there. Unfortunately, it crucified secularism, and in the process did its best to destroy( or rather did nothing to protect) one of the greaest ideals of the Union Of India. So alas, this was too big a thing for me to overlook, hence untill the BJP dumps its Hindutva pals,I and hopefully most other sane thinking people will never give it our support.And that's that.
PS- That Rahul Gandhi has a really cute dimple.
Hahahahahahahaha!! Death to all this Hindutva nonsense, I hope this reflects the people's rejection of the RSS/VHP agenda, but you can't be sure exactly why people voted the way they did. Hell I don't even undestand it.The exit polls, about which there's been sooooo much controversy, were absolutely wrong, and infact teh actual events couldn't have been more far removed from whats actually happening.Needless to say I'm happy, very happy.
Still I guess we all have to wait and see what happens. No premature celebrations (all though I AM guilty of sending several triumphant cell phone mesages to oh, say everyone I know)
But who knows, I really hope that Sonia Gandhi does a good job, and leads the country in an able and mature manner, I hope she holds her own in the hugely challenging internatinal scenario as Prime Minister of the world's second largest population, because all said and done, the one thing the BJP did, and I respect them for it, was to provide a stable , forward moving government, that certainly did some good things, while it was there. Unfortunately, it crucified secularism, and in the process did its best to destroy( or rather did nothing to protect) one of the greaest ideals of the Union Of India. So alas, this was too big a thing for me to overlook, hence untill the BJP dumps its Hindutva pals,I and hopefully most other sane thinking people will never give it our support.And that's that.
PS- That Rahul Gandhi has a really cute dimple.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
So I watched The Passion Of The Christ. For no real reason, other than the fact that I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.First off, I should point out that I'm an absolute, complete SAP when it comes to War movie's and Jesus movies (I'm not Christian, but I think I must have been in my last life time, or something.) so my analysis might be tainted with my propensity to be moved by any thing connected with Christ or the sadness of human nature.
With that said.....I quite liked the movie. Overall way, way too much violence, so much violence that you just kind of zone out, and start fiddling with your cell phone in the theatre, till something else starts to happen.It's actually even a little boring, cause nothing freaking happens. The whole movie was kind of like The Lord Of The Rings. The whole purpose of the movies was just to see those situations which you picture in your head, brought to life. Mel Gibson didn't really dwell on the true message of Christ, but spent more time making sure we all saw the "famous" parts, like the part where he says " This bread is my body, which I have given up for you", and all those "important" parts like the "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" etc, etc. Basically all the stuff they teach you in school.
However the overall impact of the movie was powerful, though in parts you feel like Gibson just added slow motion so that he could fill 2 hours of film.Jim Caviezel, as Jesus, was pretty good. He's kind of what I imagined Jesus should look and be like, but in parts where he's giving his sermons, I don't think he quite pulled it off. Monica Bellucci ( Mary Magdalene) and Maia Morgenstern (Virgin Mary) were quite watchable, though neither did much but walk around and cry.Hristo Shopov (Pontius Pilate) was fabulous , I loved all his scenes , thought he did a really good job. The Jewish clergy were also very convincing.There were these wierd scenes with Satan (Rosalinda Celentano) though, that were felt like they were lifted from that J.Lo movie The Cell, sort of like some out of place tribute to Gothic artwork.
The movie would have been improved, if the director had taken some time to showcase the true meaning of Christ's existence, and the impact he had on the people and the times. At parts you feel like , the movie gets close to a revelation of sorts, but the script neatly sidesteps any sort of contemplation on any core Christian philosophy.Like when Pontius Pilate asks Jesus "What is the truth?" and you're like all anticipating the answer and then the scene cuts to the angry mob outside.( what gives?) As for the whole anti-semitism controversy, I didn't find anything THAT objectionable about the whole thing.
As far as I can tell Gibson's version is pretty accurate, and the movie doesn't really arouse any strongly anti-semitic feelings. You do feel angry, but only towards the clergy, who clearly call for the crucifiction, but there is no blame placed on the Jewish people, who are portrayed merely as sheep, following the lead of the Head Rabbi.So I really don't know why people are getting so upset. Yeah, I guess it may arouse some bad memories, but I don't really think there's anything in the movie to fuel any real hatred.But hey that's just me, I'm as secular minded as they come, so I probably wouldn't know, what could trigger these nutcases off.
Overall I'd give the movie a 7 on 10,I say try and catch it in the theatre, but be prepared for the subtitles,loads of mind numbing violence,some truly great cinematography, and just a teensy bit of boredom.
With that said.....I quite liked the movie. Overall way, way too much violence, so much violence that you just kind of zone out, and start fiddling with your cell phone in the theatre, till something else starts to happen.It's actually even a little boring, cause nothing freaking happens. The whole movie was kind of like The Lord Of The Rings. The whole purpose of the movies was just to see those situations which you picture in your head, brought to life. Mel Gibson didn't really dwell on the true message of Christ, but spent more time making sure we all saw the "famous" parts, like the part where he says " This bread is my body, which I have given up for you", and all those "important" parts like the "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" etc, etc. Basically all the stuff they teach you in school.
However the overall impact of the movie was powerful, though in parts you feel like Gibson just added slow motion so that he could fill 2 hours of film.Jim Caviezel, as Jesus, was pretty good. He's kind of what I imagined Jesus should look and be like, but in parts where he's giving his sermons, I don't think he quite pulled it off. Monica Bellucci ( Mary Magdalene) and Maia Morgenstern (Virgin Mary) were quite watchable, though neither did much but walk around and cry.Hristo Shopov (Pontius Pilate) was fabulous , I loved all his scenes , thought he did a really good job. The Jewish clergy were also very convincing.There were these wierd scenes with Satan (Rosalinda Celentano) though, that were felt like they were lifted from that J.Lo movie The Cell, sort of like some out of place tribute to Gothic artwork.
The movie would have been improved, if the director had taken some time to showcase the true meaning of Christ's existence, and the impact he had on the people and the times. At parts you feel like , the movie gets close to a revelation of sorts, but the script neatly sidesteps any sort of contemplation on any core Christian philosophy.Like when Pontius Pilate asks Jesus "What is the truth?" and you're like all anticipating the answer and then the scene cuts to the angry mob outside.( what gives?) As for the whole anti-semitism controversy, I didn't find anything THAT objectionable about the whole thing.
As far as I can tell Gibson's version is pretty accurate, and the movie doesn't really arouse any strongly anti-semitic feelings. You do feel angry, but only towards the clergy, who clearly call for the crucifiction, but there is no blame placed on the Jewish people, who are portrayed merely as sheep, following the lead of the Head Rabbi.So I really don't know why people are getting so upset. Yeah, I guess it may arouse some bad memories, but I don't really think there's anything in the movie to fuel any real hatred.But hey that's just me, I'm as secular minded as they come, so I probably wouldn't know, what could trigger these nutcases off.
Overall I'd give the movie a 7 on 10,I say try and catch it in the theatre, but be prepared for the subtitles,loads of mind numbing violence,some truly great cinematography, and just a teensy bit of boredom.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
WHAT'S GOING ON?
You know everyone the world over is talking about those pictures of the Iraqi prisoners. Yes they're gruesome and disgusting and they make me sick to my stomach, but hello? People have to be real idiots if they think this sort of thing isn't happening in every other prison, during every other armed conflict.
But people are so quick to blame, and I'm not saying the Bush Govt isn't responsible, hell yes they are! Heads should roll, Rumsfeld should step down!Thse responsible should be court-martialed! But it's important to take two steps back and contemplate, why this happened.
What on earth happened to those soldiers to turn them into the monsters they've now been hailed as? How could any decent human being resort to doing something so depraved? So what changed?
The answer to this question is unfortunately, War.
War has the ability to corrupt the purest of beings, it can convert a sweet, peace seeking mind to an angry, frustrated demon, one that has no sense of scruples, one that will do anything to express the monster that lies within.
This is why above all other reasons, I was opposed to the war.Ofcourse, there were no WMD's (duh ), ofcourse the invasion was unjust, and uncalled for.
But the really the thing that I was most afraid of was the thing that has come to pass. I was afraid of what it would turn people into.
So when I'm arguing with friends about the War in Iraq ( i'm against) , people never get the fact, that all other things aside, war, except in the most extreme cases never does any good.
I'm not being a wimp, I'm not being naive, I'm simply saying there are other ways to deal with the problems of the world. And I'm afraid to say that by the time people realise this, it's going to be a little too late.
But people are so quick to blame, and I'm not saying the Bush Govt isn't responsible, hell yes they are! Heads should roll, Rumsfeld should step down!Thse responsible should be court-martialed! But it's important to take two steps back and contemplate, why this happened.
What on earth happened to those soldiers to turn them into the monsters they've now been hailed as? How could any decent human being resort to doing something so depraved? So what changed?
The answer to this question is unfortunately, War.
War has the ability to corrupt the purest of beings, it can convert a sweet, peace seeking mind to an angry, frustrated demon, one that has no sense of scruples, one that will do anything to express the monster that lies within.
This is why above all other reasons, I was opposed to the war.Ofcourse, there were no WMD's (duh ), ofcourse the invasion was unjust, and uncalled for.
But the really the thing that I was most afraid of was the thing that has come to pass. I was afraid of what it would turn people into.
So when I'm arguing with friends about the War in Iraq ( i'm against) , people never get the fact, that all other things aside, war, except in the most extreme cases never does any good.
I'm not being a wimp, I'm not being naive, I'm simply saying there are other ways to deal with the problems of the world. And I'm afraid to say that by the time people realise this, it's going to be a little too late.
Friday, May 07, 2004
SWIMMING IN THE RAIN
So the sun came out this afternoon. My cousin and I decided to go swimming. When we got there the water was freezing.( duh, i mean its only been raining for like a week), and then it started to rain.But having driven all the way we refused to throw in the towel, so we stuck it out.
Now I think I'm dying of pneumonia. I guess this weather has a downside after all.
Now I think I'm dying of pneumonia. I guess this weather has a downside after all.
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!(Evil Laugh)
The Comments work!!! hey this stuff is easy! I thought I had to be some sort of computer geek ( sorry Rosche and Rat) to figure it out!!!But i don't.
Gosh feelings of well being are flooding through me, now's the time when friends of mine should feel free to approach me for things. ( Fortunately for my wallet these feelings won't last long)
Hmm, my next post was going to be a serious, politically motivated diatribe, but now I'm so happy, I don't think i have it in me to be intellectual.So instead I'll just talk about the weather.
We've been having this great week of really, rainy, windy, stormy weather and I absolutely love it. I don't know what it is about rainy days, but tey just make me feel all safe and happy, like nothing could be wrong, and the world is a happy , content place.Days like this make me appreciate my house and hot chocolate, they make me rent 'One Fine Day' and watch it again and again.Sigh...I love that movie. In the rain I always think about New York , and how great it must be, and how you can never get a cab in the rain( atleast I can't), and how people are all just rushing about, and there's that awesome smell in the air. sigh. ( mental note: move to New York)
Thats the thing about rainy days, you never feel like you have to go out and DO something, you can just chill out. But when the Sun's out its like its time to get to work and stop enjoying life.I wonder why that is.
Hmmmmm....hope the weather lasts till Sunday.
Songs To Listen To When It Rains:
1. Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning
2.Audioslave - I Am The Highway
3.Tracy Chapman - Fast Car
4.Norah Jones - What Am I To You
5.Barenaked Ladies - Testing 123
Fun Things To Do When It Rains:
1.Get WET
2.Paint a Picture
3. Read a happy book
(a) Three Men In A Boat - by Jerome K. Jerome (but thats only if you like British humour, which I do)
(b)Any Calvin and Hobbes Book
(c)The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - by Douglas Adams
4.Make Pasta(Italian food and rain are like cake and frosting)
5.Oooh Bake A Cake( with frosting)
6.Watch A Nice Rainy Movie ( try One Fine Day, or About A Boy)
Hmmmmmm.......Hope I've given all you guys out there some fun stuff to do when it rains. I think I'll take my DigiCam for a walk now. The creative urge has struck me. Plus I got these cool new rubber chappals (sandals), that are just MADE for sludge trudging.
Toots.
Gosh feelings of well being are flooding through me, now's the time when friends of mine should feel free to approach me for things. ( Fortunately for my wallet these feelings won't last long)
Hmm, my next post was going to be a serious, politically motivated diatribe, but now I'm so happy, I don't think i have it in me to be intellectual.So instead I'll just talk about the weather.
We've been having this great week of really, rainy, windy, stormy weather and I absolutely love it. I don't know what it is about rainy days, but tey just make me feel all safe and happy, like nothing could be wrong, and the world is a happy , content place.Days like this make me appreciate my house and hot chocolate, they make me rent 'One Fine Day' and watch it again and again.Sigh...I love that movie. In the rain I always think about New York , and how great it must be, and how you can never get a cab in the rain( atleast I can't), and how people are all just rushing about, and there's that awesome smell in the air. sigh. ( mental note: move to New York)
Thats the thing about rainy days, you never feel like you have to go out and DO something, you can just chill out. But when the Sun's out its like its time to get to work and stop enjoying life.I wonder why that is.
Hmmmmm....hope the weather lasts till Sunday.
Songs To Listen To When It Rains:
1. Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning
2.Audioslave - I Am The Highway
3.Tracy Chapman - Fast Car
4.Norah Jones - What Am I To You
5.Barenaked Ladies - Testing 123
Fun Things To Do When It Rains:
1.Get WET
2.Paint a Picture
3. Read a happy book
(a) Three Men In A Boat - by Jerome K. Jerome (but thats only if you like British humour, which I do)
(b)Any Calvin and Hobbes Book
(c)The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - by Douglas Adams
4.Make Pasta(Italian food and rain are like cake and frosting)
5.Oooh Bake A Cake( with frosting)
6.Watch A Nice Rainy Movie ( try One Fine Day, or About A Boy)
Hmmmmmm.......Hope I've given all you guys out there some fun stuff to do when it rains. I think I'll take my DigiCam for a walk now. The creative urge has struck me. Plus I got these cool new rubber chappals (sandals), that are just MADE for sludge trudging.
Toots.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
REALISATION
Hmmmm...I've now realised that in order to keep a blog updated frequently, you have to be a whole hell of a lot more jobless than I am.
So I didn't go to enrique concert, ( anticlimax, sound of toilet flushing) but I spent the evening with my best friend, so it was cool and obviously I ended up having a great time. I mean I don't even like enrique.( ofcourse the fact that I know most of his songs, doesn't bode well for me, heh heh heh heh)
Otherwise life's been pretty OK, I've been doing my law school preparing work, so it's been kind of busy, but man am I enjoying this stuff.
The elections are on now, and I have a feeling those fundamentalist, minority bashing bastards are going to win.
What the hell is the world coming to? I'm really scared, I mean a world where people like that can just gain control of a country and turn it into, one big hate rally, just isn't the kind of world I want to live in.
I'll have the comments section running shortly don't worry, I just have to figure out, how the hell to do it. heh heh heh.
So I didn't go to enrique concert, ( anticlimax, sound of toilet flushing) but I spent the evening with my best friend, so it was cool and obviously I ended up having a great time. I mean I don't even like enrique.( ofcourse the fact that I know most of his songs, doesn't bode well for me, heh heh heh heh)
Otherwise life's been pretty OK, I've been doing my law school preparing work, so it's been kind of busy, but man am I enjoying this stuff.
The elections are on now, and I have a feeling those fundamentalist, minority bashing bastards are going to win.
What the hell is the world coming to? I'm really scared, I mean a world where people like that can just gain control of a country and turn it into, one big hate rally, just isn't the kind of world I want to live in.
I'll have the comments section running shortly don't worry, I just have to figure out, how the hell to do it. heh heh heh.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
HERE WE GO
This is my attempt at having a little fun, cause I've been incredibly jobless lately, so I figure, what the hell, I'll just get with the blog thing and see how far it goes. Feel free to post comments to whatever I say, I accept constructive criticism very badly.
I'm anybody who has a serious addiction to Jazz, Coffee, and several male sportspersons.
Ook?
I'm anybody who has a serious addiction to Jazz, Coffee, and several male sportspersons.
Ook?
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