Christmas Present

Dear God,

If you let me go home for Christmas, I will not be jealous of ALL my friends. Not the girl who is going to Phuket, or the boy who is going to Egypt, or all the people who've put up pictures of themselves in Belize and Majorca.

I promise I'll be genuinely happy for them. Just let me go home.

Love

Me

P.s. - I even promise to be a better person next year. Or at least try to. Wait, are you going to be pissed with me for making promises that I can't keep?

Where's that ribcage now?

Heartfelt

I wear my heart inside my ribcage. Where it belongs.

Safe from everyone.

Love Me Doo Bee Doo.

I love you hopelessly, I love you optimistically.
I love you all crying and bleak.
I love you happy and dizzy.
I love you in the dark, in the sunshine.
I love you beautiful/Dangerous.


I hate everything that happened before. And I think you love it.

Kindlehappy

I want to burn away.

Lie myself down and just burn away.

Feel my ends curl up.

Feel the heat spread over everything.

Lie on the edge of an impossible dream

And burn away.

Let the fire burn away my heart and my mind, full of you.

Question

Q: Are we human or are we dancer?

A: We're human you fool.


Hahahahahahaha. That apart, I actually quite like this song. And I myself have asked way stupider questions in life.

Choices, choices.

New templates, you will be the death of me!!!! ARGH.

There must be a better way to spend my time.

Techno-Bzzp

You know the (my) biggest problem with having a cell phone?

I'm always trying to 'call' all the things that I've misplaced.

Sucks that they haven't figured out how to do it yet. That won't do Science, that won't do.

True Lies

Does Global Warming exist?

Is the pope catholic?
Does Jake Gyllenhaal look hot in Prince of Persia?
Did The Practice lie to all of us about the existence of good looking male lawyers?
Am I scared of tsunamis?
Are lizards systematically precision-falling on me lately?
Does it still hurt a little, if I really, really think back about it?

Its almost 50 degress in Delhi. What. The. Fuck.

Yes, it exists assholes. You come live here and see.

United Postal Service of Me

I sit down at my desk and write you a love letter.
Its a great love letter, full of you know, feelings.
I think you will like it.
I write to tell you about my days and nights and the things I do and the things I see.
I write and write and write and write. There's so much to say.

But then I realise, there's no point writing to you. You never reply. To me.

Today I bought....

Plants!

After months of wanting to, I finally managed to go and buy some beauties to grace our balcony. Of course I never would have moved my ass unless Mr. and Mrs K weren't going to the nursery themselves.

I've talked to them all afternoon. I hope they make it through the summer. (I hope I make it through the summer). A nice happy, boring Sunday. My favourite.

Goodbye Ruffles. I love you.

Ruffles died last night.
The last time I saw him was when I went over to my cousin's house for one of those family lunches that happens whenever any one of us girls comes back to Bangalore. He seemed his usual self, a little less frisky than usual, but mostly he had the same happy shiny feeling that dogs seem to get whenever they're surrounded by the people they love.
Ruffles was a fantastic dog. The first time he saw rain, he was standing in the middle of my cousin's huge grassy lawn and after about 30 seconds of going through what I can only assume is the doggie equivalent of a WTF, he ran yelping into the house. One time he stuck his head into an anthill and came into the house with a face that was about 5 times as big as the rest of him. Also he was absolutely terrified of Pepperoni (my dog). Let me clarify why this is funny. Pepperoni is a Fox Terrier who is at the best of times about as tall as the middle of my calf, and about as big as Ruffles' entire Golden Retriever face (when it has not been stuck into an anthill).

Ruffles and I have done lots of fun things together, but the story I remember most vividly is the day that Ruffles got his lame left leg. It was just another hot afternoon, during some set of summer holidays. Mostly everyone in the house was sleeping after lunch, I was reading in bed because at that time I hadn't yet discovered the unbridled joy of an afternoon nap. Suddenly I hear Ruff yelping from the garden, so I leapt out of bed and ran to see what had happened. I thought maybe some boys had come to steal mangoes again. But when I got to him, he was just sitting in a pile of mud with his left leg in a funny position yelping. For the next half a day we sedated him, and I remember holding his hurting paw and petting him till both of us fell asleep on his blanket. We don't to this day know what happened to him, but his leg had been broken somehow. The vet said that somebody hit him with a heavy stick or something, and he always limped a little after that, but it didn't make him any less beautiful to any of us. Now, if a human being had been rendered lame by another animal, would anyone grudge him or her the right to be resentful and mistrusting for the rest of his/her life? I probably would be, and I'd damn well expect everyone else around me to be apologetic for it. But there could not have been a sweeter tempered dog. None of us can remember Ruff so much as snapping at a fly. He didn't even bite this one annoying child of some guests that came over, who actually bit him. Yes, the child. Bit. The dog.

I'm sure people who don't have dogs don't quite understand what it means to lose a dog. Just like people who don't have siblings (like me) don't know what its like to even have one. Suffice it to say, that it is no less painful than losing a human member of your family. I'm just glad he's not in pain any more, and that I was lucky enough to meet a character like him. Goodbye Ruffles, I love you.

Muse

Bring out your knives, sharpened and gleaming
Your pillars of love, bright and beaming
Don't compare to the dusk, that descends on her brow
And all your words are dust, ink dry and cracking now.

A million candles that light up the sky,
Outdone by the dazzling dawn in her eye.
And all those melodies you laid at her feet,
Long since played out their last lonely beat.

And so your dreams all come to this,
Written caresses your hands didn't risk.
So I don't really care if its all been a lie
But O, how I wish your muse had been I

Waiting in line for a Geranium Kiss

I once wrote of faeries
who skimmed the dewdrops
of my morning window
But the Queen she's unfulfilled on her gilded throne now.

And you don't stop
for the pieces you once crushed underneath your feet
rearrange your life now, and walk straight ahead
leave the jesters to languish behind in your bed.

But its me that's still standing
in my fixed spot in the crowd
thinking about what my statue is doing
on that pedestal in your head.

And maybe, the Queen and I, we're just the same
two empty-headed figurines
in a mind that begs dreams of urchins.

Crush

Three simple steps to a huge crush

1. Notice attractive attributes in a person, eg - dimples, nice hands, good heart etc.
2. Realise both the futility and impropiety of the entire situation.
3. Hate yourself and wonder whether this sort of thing afflicts only morons like you.


Nope, nothing like a good old fashioned crush to make you feel like an idiot.

List of songs I heard a year late

One of my favourite things about college was the fact that there were always setting suns or starry skies or rain that went so well with the music I was listening to. These days whenever I hear a song that I really like the images are all in my head and no longer right in front of me. But I'm happy that there are still songs that I haven't heard. Yet, every once in a while I hear a song that I know I would have listened to on repeat and driven a certain long suffering room-mate crazy with. So here's a tiny list of great songs that I missed out on in those 5 years, just to make myself feel happy.

1. Ten Million Slaves by Otis Taylor
This song has such a cool opening, I first heard it on the Public Enemies Soundtrack and it made me want to put on a checked shirt and run through some fields chasing outlaws. I would have so listened to it every morning before class.

2.Down by the Seaside by Led Zeppelin
I don't know how Z and I missed this song during all that time in college. But then again I was never very creative with my playlists. After a while I just got too lazy to even bother looking through the music that I already had on my computer.

3. Hey, hey, my,my AND My,my, hey, hey by Neil Young. Again, another example of classic laziness. Once I discovered Helpless I sort of decided that Neil Young couldn't get any better and overlooked his folder altogether. Boy, was I wrong.

4. Junkie Doll by Mark Knopfler. I think I've already gotten a little sick of it, but its on my phone now, to listen to once a day and wish I was lying on the hostel terrace not worrying about tomorrow.

So that's my list. Pretty pointless. But in any case - Sunsets, I miss listening to music with you.

Ode to an ink blot

When I get pushed into the past, old wounds open up too easily.

And as I walk ahead I wonder if the years that have gone by offer any salve. Its a bit like insult to injury.

But the worst part of it all is that I can't even have a cup of tea with you and feel better.

Oh to be with you, all tangled up in blue. :)

There must be someway out of here.

I've realised that I use rhyme to simplify my lifeand break up time.To parcel out my laughs and tears. It works a while and them seems empty. As if reducing everything to little pieces can somehow trivialise what I feel. So that I'm not so scared when I stop and think.


So when everything seems just right,

but still I lie awake at night.

Wondering if I'll let it go

when all the world is quiet and slow.

Outside the earth moves ever on,

night gives way to breaking dawn.

And I wonder will I ever be free

of these swaying thoughts of you and me?

So I guess this is my symphony

I'm still running apparent-ly.

So don't ever leave my darling sweet.

Without you life'd be incomplete.

Poste scripte

Tired of talking on the phone
tired of drinking tea alone

tired of wondering what I've done
tired of never being the one

tired of thinking about whether you care
or just how long you're going to be there

tired of trying to be what you need
i just cant do it, i will concede

So my dear friend,
how hard can this be?
I give up,
you can be free.

Its just that I'm tired of everything you see?
so very tired of you and me.

*A complete rip off from Meenakshi*

A day in the life of flunky

Blankets. Cold. Fog.
Merge.Snooze. Eat.
Snooze.Cold. Ignore. Cold.
Eat.Cold.Heater.Blankets.

Right now I want to be
Someone other than me.